Magic

It's when Manchester United just lost to Leicester City 3-5 and little known MK Dons FC 0-4 despite boasting billion dollars worth of players.I didn't watch. But I think millions fans were fascinated by the shows. Sure as amazing as watching David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappeared.

Those magics are great. But not as great as when people pulled through difficult situations and make the best for the rest. It was inspiring to learn and relearn stories of many magicians in real life. 

So I have decided to be a magician. It will be in classroom, or in a school, or in the community, or the whole Malaysia. Something impressive. But it will start with little things, small practices that I shall start doing tomorrow. 

等 一个人 咖啡

难以想象竟然会去阅读这一本爱情小说

也没刻意买

也不是因为九把刀 《那些年》也没看

也不晓得已拍成电影

小说没扣人心弦，不过至少写得让人要把它读完

电影改编却精彩连连，超值得一看。

最近去跑步几乎每次都会遇见同一个人

儿时玩伴

超巧合的

某个星期六 遇见

某个星期日 遇见

某个星期三 遇见

期间就有那么一次没遇见

就这么巧合

我也不是常常跑，问了他，也难得来跑的

不可思议

在这之前更诡异

早上去学校问东西刚巧问了这位任教师的朋友，就是同一位

毕竟十多年没见

一时认不得

只觉得面熟

就这样道谢离去

当天晚上和家人看电影

在戏院遇上了他！

终于认得。

等一个人 

好像特别容易。

等那一个她的出现

好像好难。

偶尔看看《非诚勿扰》

就记得这歌词

往前一步是幸福~~

退后一步是孤独~~

往前走吧，要积极才行啊！

辞了一份安安分分的铁饭碗

迎来了装满五色菜肴的拼盘

多了挑战

多了疑惑

多了压力。

却没有勇气去找个对象倾诉

结果就一个人去看电影

一个人

一张票 （骗人的，现在用手机扫描就行啦，没票）

一盒爆米花

一杯可乐饮

最近看电影都一定买，以前好像超抗拒的，可能有了一些多余钱吧

结果一个人看《银河护卫队》

还不错

看戏就是看戏，也不能谈天说地。

就这样

寻找那股遗失的热诚。

等

是很被动的

不如去找一找。

一个人

偶尔很潇洒

但多个人多些人更好。

咖啡

每天喝

但林宇中（他最近好像不见了？）说咖啡麻醉不了孤单。

搁笔。

Wedding & Marriage

So many weddings, more coming!

It's the time. Prime time for people of my age to engage in long term commitment and live happily ever after, I hope.

So it's kind of nudging me a bit. Eh, hello.

Well, fret not, let me announce I'm already married! Well, actually, I'm in my second marriage!

Sorry I didn't really announce to the world like other people...

I must confess that I had to abandon my first marriage, with 200 children, now adopted by some better parents.

Now in my second marriage I have about 30 children already...I know family planning is important but I wish to have many children in the future.

Hiking

Since when I love to hike?

It wasn't listed as my official hobby. In fact, I had hard time to write about my hobby. At one point it was badminton, still a bit. Maybe karaoke, but maybe not suitable as my voice is worse than you. Stamp collecting? Who still send snail mails? Blogging? Not really considered a hobby by World Hobby Organization. Bowling? I like but if it's not played often it's not hobby. Sleeping? nope, I hate sleeping. Eating? Yeah, it's a universal compulsory thing to do so it can't be hobby. 

So hiking is the new hobby. And running is definitely the second hobby.

The first (as far as I can remember) hike or climb was straight to Mount Kinabalu, the highest peak in Malaysia in 2009.

It was a breeze.

Silly young boy at the age of 21.

Then plenty of hiking during Summer 2010 while taking classes in university. 

Hiking with little T Rex in Michigan

Then have been dormant for long. Until last year. During a trip to Taipei, at Yang Ming Shan.   

Magnificent view

And then Bukit Tabur.

Climbing through rocks is actually scary

Then Bukit FRIM with students.

Then this year after joining Malaysian Nature Society had many more opportunities to go places like Telapa Buruk, Tanjung Tuan etc.

Eerie atmosphere at Telapa Buruk WW2 plane crash site

Beetles taking cover under fungus

Each hike provides different perspective. And recharge your energy with natural power! 

Looking forward the next one!

Words and the world

Some people have big dreams.
I see lots of injustice, I see too many changes needed to change this world to be a better place for all living beings.
That's impossible for me to do all I want to change the world.
What shall I do? I am contended to be myself, be a little guy who inspires a few, then a few more people, to do good. And I won't care how people think who and how I am.
Be humble, connected to people, smile, it's me. I like loving people in simple way, don't make it complicated.
I am a teacher, I am a learner.
I accept harsh words from critics, but I am improving.

#insomnia #hope for better day #work

Ride a bus

Tired of driving, decided to take a bus ride up to KL.
Been missing those days without car and had to take a bus to KL and many other places.

Taking bus seems like a luxury now. An affordable luxury.

It was fulfilling.

Grateful for friend who drive me around, and glad to meet friends in a short Sunday getaway.

等车

人生如等车；错过了上班车，还有下班车。

可能心有不甘，誓要追赶已错过的那班车。用尽力气、 精疲力尽，白费。

为何错过？

可能心不在焉，车到了却没察觉。白白错失。

抑或天时。

时机错过就消逝。

可能那班车来得早。明明就准时抵达，但车已去。

来得早，未必等到。有人比你早。

来得对，未必上到。有人比你狠。

抑或人为。

不去等车，当然错过。

姗姗来迟，肯定无望。

有车不上，无可理解。

无论如何，既然都要搭车，就靠下班吧。

除非错过的是尾班车。

Holiday!

Nope, can't have holiday now...just trying to make the day holy. How? If you think the day is holy then it's holy. Imagination.

This morning, while driving, resenting I can't have the off days that I desire before starting new role in education, then I suddenly realized I had visited many places actually.

During school holiday last year before hectic TFM training and beginning of 2013 school year, went to Miri.
The caves are amazing breathtaking. Breathtaken for a while la, else die lo.

Then from Miri drove to Brunei day trip just for the sushi.

Then fully busy in school and every TFM event.

Until June holiday. Went to Phuket with family.

Then come school semester break. Went to Kuching.

Then until year end. Went to Bali.

Then while having convo in UUM, walked into Dannok, Thailand, mainly for the food and snacks. No surprise bombing.

Actually not bad at all.

Next one on list is to Universal Studios Singapore.
Why? Primarily to shout while riding roller coasters. I want roller coasting so much life could be much better.
Then it would be good to visit all neighboring countries using current passport. A great feat to be achieved.

[Update!]
How can I forgot I went to Taiwan in June holiday also...
STML short term memory loss...

For some people, journey is more important than destination. For some people, destination is more important.
For me, both are important, but money is more important! Also, a ritual I do while traveling is to try all kind of weird special bottled drinks not found in Malaysia. That's simply enjoyable.

Not so much Ouch this time

Honk Honk Honk
Boop
Aiyah
Oh well
Hmm
Okay

This is going to be my second home.

This place is going to be different. Stay tuned.

Forrest Gump

Finally I watched Forrest Gump and his run of life is definitely inspiring. But that's not why I signed up for half marathon.

15 Nov is last day of school. The end is abrupt. Bye Gemas.
Last day, had some photos with students, farewell for principal, then had lunch with YY, CF and Pn Tan who always gave us so much food. Then packed. I had more stuffs than I thought. Took quite a while.
Evening went to Bahau to dine with SC & WJ. Been a long time. Always good to meet them.

Head back Melaka.

16 Nov is Saturday. Went to KL and have breakfast with HT @That Latte Place.
Just love the place and the egg ben. Visiting friends attending class in UUM KL.
Then so lucky got summon for parking illegally. Tahniah. How I wish I could win more lucky draw prizes.

Lunch with D, SW and TJ and had some sharing on jobs. Then the rain poured. So heavy.

Straight up to Penang. Too bad can't meet JJ on the way up.

Somehow driving alone on long stretch of highway wasn't that bad.

Night. This is the time the sun hides itself.
Texted and called the hostel earlier to inform my check in. No response. Never mind.
Arrived at 23 Jalan Datuk Keramat. The door was half opened, but no light. Hmm...suspicious. Knock, no answer, call, no answer. What happen?

Not sure if I was in luck or not...an old man then pushing his bicycle, stopped right in front. Then I asked. He told that operator already cheated away the money from the premise and run away! what? what?

Oh well, he suggested a hotel around the corner and that's all I could do. Lucky that's just a RM20+ booking but then paid RM90 for a night in Old Penang Hotel.

Update: Agoda has promptly refunded the payment.
Non sponsored advertisement: I am 100% recommending Agoda.com for your accommodation booking.

So this photo shows how the hostel looks like...
Next time don't go in when you see it, it's a trap.

Komtar at night is so pathetic. So run down. Penang Times Square is like nothing yet. Then head to Sup Hameed for lamb soup and roti. Not bad for a rainy night.

17 Nov is the day for Penang Bridge International Marathon. 3.30am gun off.
The first 5km is the most relaxing.
The next 10km is the surviving phase.
The next 5km you keep wondering where's the isotonic and water.
The final 1 km is like zombie run. slow.
But the last 100m is like someone suddenly throw you some spinach and you eat it and become like a Popeye.

Time 2:31:57.75
Rank 1731/8325 
Not bad for a first timer! 

Met some TFM 2013 fellows as well :)
Then back to hotel for a shower and short power nap. Else I wouldn't survive the long day.


Wanted toast and coffee at Toh Soon coffee stall but closed on Sunday, so walked toward Transfer Road for the roti canai.

Lamb again. Lamb curry and coffee.

Penang is so beautiful in the morning.

Then did two good deeds. Donated RM20 to Tzu Chi Haiyan Relief Fund. RM20 because I got only RM1 x 1 and RM20 x 1 and RM50 x many (because I wanted to pay my credit card due but hor the machines in Melaka were out of service so keeping the money). Then saw an old uncle on wheelchair crossing the street kind of kesian so went to him to ask where he's heading. Pushed his wheel chair across streets. Kind of good feeling. #randomactofkindness hashtag is important. Hash brown also.

Wanted to take ferry since bridge closed but queue was crazy long so drove around randomly.

Strolling in Lebuh Pantai, saw Ambank! Wanted to pay la then but walked in to discover system down for upgrading also...Melaka cannot pay, Penang cannot pay. Oh well.

Then driving 140 KM/H all the way to KL for TFM alumni induction.

The induction was so calm actually. Quite sad to leave the fellowship but I will cherish all the moments we had throughout the two years. Have learned too much that if I put them here it would be the longest blog ever, so, maybe not.

Then the evening back to Melaka.

So much driving and running yet I am an Iron Man! No problem.

Packed and
18 Nov 5 am ready for Bali!
Green Camp Bali! till 22 Nov.
Made pizza, had too much.
Ever tried chocolate strawberry pineapple pizza? It's special but kinda weird...


Burritos! Guacamole! Favorite stuff!
 

Having fun aside, kids these days need more discipline. Need to respect nature, and also respect self and others. So this is how we teach discipline?
 

23 Nov. Quickly packed and went KL for Google Apps for Education Summit. Till 24 Nov.

 

Almost all private schools have utilized technology like Google Apps Suites for learning. FrogVLE for public schools was supposed to be launched with free Chromebooks for all students but until now see nothing. Next year maybe? or next next year?

Overnight at Sasaran, Selangor, relative place, having fun with little kids. Guess I am very good with children.

25 Nov. Rest for a day.

26 Nov - 1 Dec. Heading north!

First stop. Shah Alam. Parked at SS's house then carpool.

Kampar. small town indeed. Picked up HT.

Ipoh. Had this mee.


Picked up JY. Car fully loaded!.

Alor Setar. Detoured for petrol and randomly Googled for nice Kedah Laksa then stopped by Zakaria's.

Finally Sintok.

Checked in. Rest. Feel like college days back in INTEC. Nostalgic.

UUM: secluded, but has all the facilities inside, including international standard go-kart circuit!

Attending classes with Dr Barnes. Then helping here and there.
Chillax days in UUM.
Every night had tom yum...I guess I won't have anymore tom yum for next few years...
And impromptu blood donation.

And there's this Happy Burger place in Changlun...
Apparently famous here. Not bad for a small place.

Also went to Dannok, Thailand just for McD pork burger and 7-11 for foods hunting.

And finally the convocation. With grand robe, grand stage, and Yang di-Pertuan Agong.

The journey of fellowship has not ended with a bang but might be with some pew pew pew.

So now with a teaching certificate I can go around and nag around.

30 Nov. To Penang.
No idea why, but watching Hunger Game midnight show in Gurney Plaza.
Few years back with YL SYY and WF also watched midnight movie in Gurney Plaza...Deja vu-ing.

Morning waking up, enjoying view, drinking coffee, reading newspaper, like an old uncle.

Then tak boleh tahan the beach, went down, got wet, had fun.

And finally back in Melaka 1 Dec, night. The run has not ended. In fact, it's just the beginning.

That's my training field. SMK Gemas. I might not run there anymore, but I will find another field. Run faster, run further, run happier. Life.

Change. 改变

There's a Chinese proverb, 江山易改本性难移.

But slowly I realized my shortcomings, and promise myself to change for better.

A friend always advise, but I always think let it be, that's me, that's my personalities.

And recent happenings and unhappening slowly poke me and tell me I need to readjust my life 

Especially when I am older now, contemplated how I did for past 25 years.

1. Expand the social circle, engage in community. Don't shy away invitation to meet new people anymore. No more so 宅男.

2. Be more confident. Show it, don't be ambiguous. Pretend I am tall although I am not tall.

3. Be more sociable. Make people laugh, don't just laugh with people and be laughed by people. Lame jokes and puns are nice but also just as lame.

4. Learn a musical instrument. Because I already don't have a good singing voice. Everyone loves Jay Chou and Lee Hom because they play music.

5. Express yourself. Humans are stupid. They won't know what you want to say if you don't speak out!

6. Don't be so boring. Rephrase: don't make people think I am boring.

7. Talk clearly, don't mumbling away. Talk nice to girls, talk good to guys.

8. Be humble, learn from other people. I must know that I am not as good as I thought sometimes. 

Yeah. So I must promise myself these won't be empty promises.

Subway

Well I did not really like subway but with the absence of Jimmy John in Malaysia that has to be my favorite fast food here other than McD.

So that made me bring my students to get a taste of it, after a long day trip in KL.

They never tried before.

One said: Macam McDonald's saje... (not impressed)
Another said: Tapi ada banyak pilihan! Banyak sayur! (excited)
Last one said: Sengsara-lah kena makan semua ini, dah penuh perut ni...(joker)

I want to run away!

I want to run away!
One more week!

School ends. Good bye.
Driving all the way up to Ipoh Penang.
Run, run for marathon!
Then back to KL right away.
TFM alumni induction.
Straight back to Melaka.
Next day to Bali Green School. 5 days.
Back to Malaysia.
Next day,
Google Apps in education conference.
Two days.
Then it's the UUM convocation!
15 November - 31 November, full.

I am searching for inner peace through the hectic plans.
I am going to be me again.


我寂寞寂寞就好 你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了 賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的 借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

LOVE? finally, but not so simple.

I am 25 years old.
I have not been dating.
It's not that I am not interested.
So why? I explain.

To be frank, I don't know what is love, at least I don't know what is a boy girl love.
I have family love.

Yeah, before 23, I can actually say I am very ok with single life. I like some girls back in high school, well that's just like, I guess. I am kind of reserved and do not take action to express the like. Doesn't matter, school is full of friends, after school activities, St John, Kelab Pencinta Alam etc etc. And I have home to go back to.

Well then into college and university. School was full of activities, friends and of course studies. Girlfriend? No, doesn't really matter.

Then after I am having my career. There's this sense of looking for someone to complete my life.

There are many, but only this girl really touch my heart. I don't know what is love. But she is in my heart.

When I met her, she's already taken. For the past two years, while I was initially restraining from falling for her, I just fell deeper and deeper. We are good friends, at least I think.

I don't talk much but I always want to tell her many things. But I hardly.
I always want to give her the best.
I always strive to make her happy.
I worry about her.

I don't always know what to do. I am awkward.
I want to do many things for her, but am I the one?

She's beautiful, she's kind, she's natural, she's cute, she's smart, she's intelligent, she's awesome. She's almost perfect. Almost because no one is perfect. Why? Because she's too tall.

I am just happy to see her around.

But she has made my heart pain every time.
I am in anguish thinking the almost impossibility between us.
My heart is in pain. Often. Too often.
I am an idiot I say. I am too late. I did nothing significant. I am just living in my imaginative world.
Maybe there was chance, I don't know. But I know it's getting nowhere now.

What I can do now, is wish for her happiness.
And I will always be available to make her happy.

What can I do now?
I will be more confident, because of her.
I will be a better me, in all aspects.
I will not clinging on negative thoughts, and let the negative thoughts affecting my life.
Be positive, think what I can do rather than what I could have done.
Let go the past, think forward. Chase dream.

She will be loved.

Blog Title

Yeah, I have changed the title.
It's no more "Wah! Live for fun". What kind of childish title that was...

Now it's just "? ?"
It has meanings. Deep.
It's not just a question mark, but two. Why? Why?
Keep asking question to own self, keep improving. Not doubting own self but ask legitimate questions.
Then ask again. To better own self.

The title also implies another thing.
? ? If you know.

如果

看似近在尺寸 仿佛伸手就能碰到

其实 它是那么的遥远 碰不到

你 它 

之间有个深沟

跨过去

只会遍体鳞伤

仰望 期待

只会让心更痛

它是高攀不起的

你不够高

让它发亮吧

你也寻找你的一片天吧！

Random thought

I always have great thoughts, many times better than famous quotes.
I shall start recording them here whenever I'm not lazy.

#1 I wish I can stand on moon, staring at the Earth at different perspective.
#2 When life gives you lemon, why waste effort make lemonade, just enjoy the lemon as it is.
#3 When you follow a faster car, allow bigger gap.
#4 It's easy to have a vision, but to carry out the mission is not as easy.
#5 If cannot have holiday, make the day holy.
#6 人生如等车；错过了一班车，还会有下一班的。除非那是尾班车。

Two Years. The curious case of a teacher, or not!

Why do I leave teaching?

That’s the question people keep asking me.

Before answering that, why do I chose teaching?

That’s the question I got the most throughout the two years.

So I am answering these two questions.

The answer is I do not have answer. 

I don’t know why I want to teach. After graduated from Michigan, I just wanted to stay in Melaka. But the problem with Melaka is that there’s practically no suitable jobs for me being a graduate of Economics and Plant Biology. No research firm, no financial firm, no, nothing in Melaka except cendol and chicken rice ball. Almost ended up as a credit card salesman, true story.

In the process of looking for job, I applied for two teaching jobs. One as primary school computer teacher. Full time only pays RM1000. What kind of salary is that?? Then there’s a tuition teacher position in a tuition center. Unfortunately with my glittering academic achievement and I thought what seems to be an excellent interview, no news at all after that!? I really want to teach one leh, not just play play…why no give me the job??

Then as usual went on Facebook to read. Yeah, read Facebook. Suddenly I saw something Teach For Malaysia, a link posted by friend. Well, I saw Teach For America in Michigan, kind of big thing there. I roughly know about TFA. That moment I remembered like there’s a calling for me. So I think I clicked on it and applied within 24 hours! That’s pretty amazing feat considering I take thing slowly, especially on applying stuffs. Well it does take a few day to finally submitted the application, long essays not easy.

It’s like Teach For Malaysia was really my thing. I had this feeling that I would definitely get it! YES DEFINITELY. From the long essay application, looking for referral, recommendation letter from Mr Chang my previous Physics teacher, then got into next round. The phone interview. Then the online based activity assessment.

Then I was waiting to be called to final round of assessment. All the while I was thinking I am DEFINITELY qualified. True, I was called to be in the assessment center in Mercu UEM.

Taking a KKKL bus, 5.30am bus to KL for the interview.

While boarding the bus, I sensed something. I saw a guy. With white shirt and tie. That moment I know he’s going to be a Fellow! I just have the magical sense. (Yes, in the end he was offered Fellowship but has to decline due to Petronas scholarship constraint.)

Arrived TBS about 7am. The assessment starts at 9am. So I took my time go get breakfast, and rehearsed for the upcoming mock teaching.

I was trusting the public transportation so much that I left TBS slightly past eight. Waiting for KTM without realizing KTM is the most unreliable mode of transportation on earth. Finally reached KL Sentral almost 9am! 

Rushed to the office and arriving slightly past 9! Oh no I was the last person! And the guy with white shirt and red tie was there already. Ha!

So after the day long interview, I talked with passion, showed I can be a teacher. Then the next phase was waiting the dreadful call from TFM. I knew I would get it, but everything had not confirm until the call.

That evening, waiting for call. Finally 7pm, a call, a 019 number. That’s it. Confirmed. A Fellow. A teacher.

So kids, that’s how I met your mother I began the teaching journey.

It would be too long for me to describe the two months of training, or what we call the institute. So please look up my FB album. Then the two years of teaching in SMK Gemas.

Then fast forward….

Now, why I am leaving SMK Gemas? Definitely not because the NFC issue. Yes, the infamous NFC cow farm is in Gemas in case you don’t know. No, there’s no condo here.

Why? Why? Why?

This I have many explanations but maybe still no answer.

Firstly, it’s related to my personality. I am the person that grab the opportunity, not a guys that seek for or create opportunity. Yes, I applied JPA because my friends did, so I did. I went Michigan because my friends applied, I applied. So yeah, I go with flow. But no la you jump, I jump, me not that stupid one. I will choose what’s best for me, though mostly on circumstances; environment and people around me have influence.

I’m like a leaf, go with the wind, if I landed on something that’s good. I stay. Then I might just fly again. And look for next stop. Maybe no designated destination, but I will only stop at places worth the stay.

I must admit I did great in Gemas. Yes, I enjoy teaching here very much, there’s no reason for me to leave. But there’s reason that make me leave. Confused? Me too.

Throughout these two years, I have good work relation with all the teachers and I have been enjoying various roles in school or outside of school. Been class teacher for two years, been bringing students to uncountable events and competitions and trips. Been PMR invigilator. Been the chief judge for district level sports event. Been doing so many things. Been the most passionate school sports house leader that openly challenge the incumbent champion that everyone thinks too strong to beat. In the end we were just 2 points out of hundreds points shy of becoming the overall champion. Been catching students ponteng and smoking. Enjoy my classes. Shouted at kids, yes I can shout. Home visits. Always wandering around school to interact with kids, talked with them, gave them boring or interesting advice. I simply love this job so much, too much indeed I’m actually tearing right now writing this. This is not a job. This is my mission. This is my passion. I’m here to do something. I can’t say I am great but I think I do well. Maybe not too great, but still I think it’s great. I know there’s so much more I can do in coming years. I know I will excel and enjoy myself in schools for many more years to come. I am proud of myself. The memories are just too much in these two years. Everyday there’s something I can look forward to. Yes, many times I have problem managing class well. Kids are crazy without the presence of rotan. But nothing can deter me from wanting to educate them more.

But why I chose to leave, other than my personality? Because I am weird.

Also because there’s opportunity for me in Melaka to do better? It’s time to go home. It’s time to get out of comfort zone. I know teaching in Gemas or other secondary school will definitely good for me, personally. I can foresee my future staying in school, living a comfortable life, maybe become principal or at least GPK, whatever, it will be all smooth.

But is that all? I can do better for other people perhaps? I can have an after school program that’s built with my vision of quality education. Where students can be properly educated, love the joy of learning. And it can become something more than that.

Now, it’s scary for me to think I would be leaving school, back to Melaka, directing an after school program. Yes, it’s frightening it’s something new. No experience. But slowly I am having clear vision. I am confident I can do it.

And then why I choose to leave Gemas? Because she’s leaving also. If she’s staying I am most definitely staying. It won't be the same without her. Well, sometimes you just have to let go something. Eh, not even dare to grab, what thing to let go?? I will be okay although I am an idiot.

Run Run Run!

Run Run Run. Adidas King Of The Road on Oct 20. 16.8 KM. First real running. Got to do it! Slowly.