LOVE? finally, but not so simple.

I am 25 years old.
I have not been dating.
It's not that I am not interested.
So why? I explain.

To be frank, I don't know what is love, at least I don't know what is a boy girl love.
I have family love.

Yeah, before 23, I can actually say I am very ok with single life. I like some girls back in high school, well that's just like, I guess. I am kind of reserved and do not take action to express the like. Doesn't matter, school is full of friends, after school activities, St John, Kelab Pencinta Alam etc etc. And I have home to go back to.

Well then into college and university. School was full of activities, friends and of course studies. Girlfriend? No, doesn't really matter.

Then after I am having my career. There's this sense of looking for someone to complete my life.

There are many, but only this girl really touch my heart. I don't know what is love. But she is in my heart.

When I met her, she's already taken. For the past two years, while I was initially restraining from falling for her, I just fell deeper and deeper. We are good friends, at least I think.

I don't talk much but I always want to tell her many things. But I hardly.
I always want to give her the best.
I always strive to make her happy.
I worry about her.

I don't always know what to do. I am awkward.
I want to do many things for her, but am I the one?

She's beautiful, she's kind, she's natural, she's cute, she's smart, she's intelligent, she's awesome. She's almost perfect. Almost because no one is perfect. Why? Because she's too tall.

I am just happy to see her around.

But she has made my heart pain every time.
I am in anguish thinking the almost impossibility between us.
My heart is in pain. Often. Too often.
I am an idiot I say. I am too late. I did nothing significant. I am just living in my imaginative world.
Maybe there was chance, I don't know. But I know it's getting nowhere now.

What I can do now, is wish for her happiness.
And I will always be available to make her happy.

What can I do now?
I will be more confident, because of her.
I will be a better me, in all aspects.
I will not clinging on negative thoughts, and let the negative thoughts affecting my life.
Be positive, think what I can do rather than what I could have done.
Let go the past, think forward. Chase dream.

She will be loved.